The reason why you are not able to answer the hard questions in life is not lack of knowledge or experience

The reason why you are not able to answer the hard questions in life is not lack of knowledge or experience. You might be simply looking for answers in the wrong place (following up my previous video).

During a session this week with someone I was helping, I heard: “I don’t even know what I enjoy”. I often hear “I don’t know who I am” and “I don’t know what I want”, but this time it was different. To me it revealed something more profound. “Who I am” has to do with identity and “what I want” with having a direction, so these are understandable more complex questions. On the other hand, not knowing “what I enjoy” shows a lack of understanding or confusion about oneself even at the surface level.

I want to start by saying that it is possible to live life without answering these questions, however there is a price to pay for that. These questions will haunt us our whole life. If we don’t have that figured out, we can try to distract ourselves, we can try to ignore them but they will always be in the back of our minds.

If you have ever struggled with these questions, you are probably familiar with paralysing doubt. I’m talking about that state of feeling lost and having numerous questions in your mind at the same time, resulting in the feeling of not knowing where to start, what to do or where to go: having no direction. Usually this state of mind also comes with self-doubt and lack of self-trust. If you are in this state for too long, you will eventually start questioning the value you have as a person. If it goes further, you will doubt your capabilities, your thoughts, and even your emotions.

When this happens, the ego comes to play and you will start comparing yourself to others. Most of the time the comparisons will make you conclude that you are less than others, making you feel bad, but from time to time, you will think you are better than others, making you feel good. This results in this pendulum effect that oscillates between “I’m worse than” and “I’m better than”. In reality, both the extremes are delusions and your value as a person has very little to do with others.

Self-value is an area that is very prone to confusion, especially in a world where looking for validation and approval is so generalised. That’s why realising your own self-value is one of the pillars of my 16-Week Program. 

Now, let’s get back to the main question here: what’s the reason you are not finding the answers to the difficult questions in life? Most of the time, it is because there is a tendency to look for the answer in the wrong place: the mind. When we look for these answers in our mind only, we usually end up filling it up with a bunch of chaotic ideas, resulting in the feeling of being lost and confused. 

The answers you want are not in your thoughts (only), they are in your emotions and emotions live in the body. There is more though. Emotions are most likely already telling you what you want to hear but it just so happens that you are not listening or you don’t understand the meaning of them.

There is a reason why we don’t look for the answer in the right place, in other words, there is a reason we avoid getting in touch with our emotions. That reason is fear.

The emotions that give us the answers we so desperately want, live together with all other emotions, even the unpleasant ones that we want to stay away from. If we are afraid to feel pain, consciously or unconsciously, we don’t go to the dark place where we think pain lives. Therefore, by shielding ourselves from pain, we also shield ourselves from other emotions and, as a consequence, we fail to answer those difficult life questions.

This way of operating is a trap and it requires awareness and courage to get out of it. For that reason, I always recommend small steps. Pick small enough steps that you can execute without being overwhelmed. In this context, small steps go as follows.

First, whenever you feel lost or confused, bring your attention to the body. Locate the physical sensation in the body. Where in the body do you feel it? Is it in the head, chest, belly? Then describe to yourself what you feel. Is it pressure, pain, emptiness? Notice that so far, we didn’t name the emotion, so that’s the next step. If you lack trust in yourself, you will be unsure about what you are feeling, and that’s ok, just do your best to name the emotions you might be feeling.

This same process applies to “positive” or “negative” emotions, pleasant or unpleasant. As you go through it, something amazing starts to happen: you start connecting emotions with the corresponding physical sensations. Just that simple connection, sometimes it’s enough to give you answers, bring you realisations or even bring great relief from past negative events.

Once you are familiar with this way of operating, you can then bring those same difficult questions to your mind and you can listen to both thoughts and emotions, in the way I just described. With practice, everything will become much more clear.

One last thing, your Ego will generate inner resistance in you. Understand that it is just an attempt to protect you from pain, like I mentioned before. You might face resistance in all sorts of forms: doubt, laziness, distraction, lack of focus, procrastination, etc. That’s why this process is better done with the support of a mentor and coach that can guide you and help you overcome the specific type of resistance you might experience.

It is a very real possibility for you to find the answers to the difficult questions in life. You can get a definitive sense of direction, purpose and fulfillment. What I have just described is the first step of the complete process I teach in my 16-week Program – “The Road to Your Authentic Life”. If you are interested in finding your own answers, overcome self-doubt and have a strong sense of self-value, contact me through email ([email protected]).