Past, present and future

If you feel stuck and are struggling to change a certain aspect of yourself, or of your life, it is likely because the approach you are using does not address your past, present and future. If you neglect even just one of these 3 elements, you will eventually feel stuck. Let me explain what I mean by that and how by combining approaches from 3 different fields, you can have a much more complete and effective process for transformation.

It all starts with the desire to change. There is something that you desire but you don’t have or something you want to see in yourself but it is not there at the moment. In essence, you build an image of yourself that is better than the present one. This image is your target, your future destination. For me it started here too. I wanted to be able to socialize, make friends and go on dates. I wanted to express myself freely with no fears, feel comfortable even in high pressure situations and have no anxiety. That was the desire that ignited the transformation process.

I first came across life coaching. Although I was very skeptical in the beginning, I became rapidly fascinated with it. The new ideas made a lot of sense to me and once I started trying them, the results really surprised me. I was amazed at how simple things such as changing mindsets or controlling my focus could change my inner state and make such a difference. It changed the way I understood myself and made me a much more positive person. I had a very rigid idea of who I was and suddenly that idea was shaken. I realised I could change much more than I previously thought. 

This brings me to the second element of time that life coaching is good at addressing: the present. Once you have a destination you need to take concrete steps, a plan of action is required, and action happens in the present. Life coaching is great for that. However, there is another field that also has a lot to contribute: eastern spirituality teachings.

You are probably familiar with the idea of living in the present and being mindful. These ideas came to me through Zen and tantra teachings and showed me that what happens in the present is more than just a step towards a destination, we must enjoy walking our path and make the most out of it. That is a way of being but should also include tools that enable you to savor pleasant emotions in their full extent and tools to allow you to deal with unpleasant feelings in a healthy way.

There is one more element to talk about: the past. As I progressed in my path, I started to have difficulties overcoming deep rooted patterns and I struggled to find a tool that helped. I even tried the “fake it until you make it” approach but it was disastrous. When it came to situations that triggered my fight or flight response, I was absolutely powerless. It was clear that deep subconscious patterns related to trauma were very difficult, or even impossible, to overcome with the approaches from life coaching that I knew. In other words, life coaching seemed to be great at addressing the future and the present, but fell short when it came to the past.

Usually, the furthest in the past, the more difficult a certain pattern is to address. This can be a certain behavior that you are unable to control, or it can be the way you feel in certain situations or with certain people. These are all patterns that are in your subconscious mind, that’s why you feel that you have no control over them because indeed your conscious mind cannot easily reach them. If the patterns are there as a result of trauma, it is even more difficult to change. The field of trauma therapy has the best tools to address these patterns but there are approaches from eastern teachings that are also great for this. In fact, I had great results and went through some deep healing in a 10-day meditation retreat I did years ago.

No matter how important addressing the past might be, focusing exclusively on it, can be equally a mistake. People that go through therapy only sometimes complain to me. In the beginning, there is a huge moment of letting go because they are talking about things that have been suppressed for years, in some cases they are opening up for the first time. On its own, this is enough to bring a huge relief and lightness. However, it is common for people to very rapidly reach a point of “and now what?”. This happens because this field is not specialised in the future, it is mostly about dealing with the past. This can lead people to feel a bit lost and without knowing how to proceed next. Plus, they might finally identify the origin of the “problem” but they lack the knowhow of how to proceed in the present in a different way. There needs to be an effective way to create an alternative to the pattern of the past.

So there you go, there’s the past, present and future and there is life coaching, trauma therapy and eastern spirituality teachings. All have something to offer. The 3 fields actually affect the 3 elements of time although some are better suited for some problems rather than others. In my opinion, selecting and combining tools from each field is the most effective approach because it offers the possibility to address the 3 elements of time in a systematic and harmonious way.

Addressing the past is about letting go of old patterns that do not serve us anymore and healing from trauma. The present is about taking concrete action and living in a mindful way. The future is about creating goals, constantly refining a vision of the life you want and the person you want to be.

If you neglect even just one of these elements, you will feel stuck and encounter resistance to change. If you do not address the future, you will feel you have no direction, you are lost and purposeless.

If you don’t address the present, you either do not take action, so you will not change. Or you take action without a mindful approach, meaning that you take steps, but you won’t enjoy the ride. All your actions will be done for the hope of a future happiness that might never come.

If you neglect the past, you will feel that you are carrying unnecessary weight, you will encounter resistance time and time again, you might see things change on the outside but inside you will still feel the same. If there is pain, you will feel pain, no matter what you accomplish. You can end up carrying the feeling of lack of self-worth, shame, or any other form of suffering your whole life.

That’s why I use a complete approach in my mentoring program, where I combine techniques from the three fields I mentioned. Not only do I work with my clients on past, present and future during the sessions, but I also provide practical tools, recordings and tasks for clients to do on their own, so as the program progresses, clients not only evolve but also become self-sufficient.

Change is possible as long as you have the right tool for the job. If this text resonates with you and you are interested in applying this approach to your life, email me ([email protected]). We will have a chat and see if it is a fit.